hey its robert, we just made out in the backyeard. i'm inside now and you should come to the bathroom and meet me.
i wonder how he feels talking to my mother about jesus with a condom on his dick
It would be worth it to see how drunk he is right now.
He cartwheeled into the side of the neighbor's garage.
Ok, i'm coming over
im about as happy as oj after his trial
I just used a franzia box to scrape the snow off my car.
Just found out they make medicinal lollipops, bought like 40 of them. Gonna go fill a pediatricians lollipop bowl.
deryk tried to steal your screen door and i think sam and brent are duct taping lauren to the diving board.
If 26 stitches didn't sober her up, nothing will.
he attacked my vagina with the force of a thousand suns
I just want a man to crawl into my bed with me and never crawl out. Anti socialism at his best.
Idk how much vodka is on these pants but I'm gonna wear them anyway: the biopic
We fucked while The Odyssey played in the background. Homer would be proud.
Oh you know, we just bobbed for apples in a bucket full of jungle juice. So, a casual Tuesday night.
Spencer just told me I got home and was opening beers with my teeth and trying to make pot butter
So today the police came to my dorm to look for weed, i didn't have any in the room, so i let them in. they apologized for any inconvenience and then left after finding nothing. then i realized i was wearing gauges with weed leaves on them lol
Randomize
