I'm at the bar and I just saw some unnecessary and accidental cooter...sometimes I think girls need a license to go out pantyless in public.
Just found a glow stick inside of my vagina..
With the amount of traffic your vagina gets, it was only a matter of time before someone threw a rave there.
I havent jerked off in so long, my dick literally prevented me from rolling over in my sleep this morning. new definition of painful?
he met me at the airport with a welcome home sign with a grilled cheese, PBR and a blow job on it. i missed america.
My heart is having a hard time convincing my vagina he's not worth it.
I need to stop drinking and eating and start working out. I look like the lovechild of John Goodman and Jabba the Hutt.
Are you around on Saturday? Feeling a trip over
Wet with either fear or sexual excitement
I think a mixture of both is appropriate
5am update: in a toga seeing triple made out with both sexes
Just had a talk about safe sex with my mom. Not about protection. About the very real possibility of a "penile fracture". Gotta love having a nurse for a mother.
She said to me, without hesitation, "make me an offer better than my sugar daddy and I'll go with you"
It's only just- an eye for an eye, a tooth for a tooth, a nude for a nude
Let's ride this possibly pregnant train together
At 3:00am my whole house started smelling like cooking meat. I have no idea why she thought it was a good idea to crock-pot a WHOLE turkey that early in the morning.
She's not allowed to do acid anymore... she started crying because she thought she was an eagle.
You were licking skittles to check if they were "halucinateizers" so no, you are not leaving the house while on antibiotics.
Randomize
