i wouldnt be suprised if in indian your name meant "walking lie"
My dream in life is to scissor with Ellen. I don't care if I've got a dick. I'll make it work.
bar tonight had a doorbell to get in and last night i saw my neighbors fuck on the balcony, she wore a nurse outfit. Missouri isn't so bad...
We walk out of his house and his dad is there, so I had to meet him and shake his hand pretending that same hand hadn't been down his son's pants five minutes earlier
I think he'd cut a tree down for me. He's from North Dakota. That's something hot guys do there, right?
The problem with having your drunkeness documented at a wedding is not only does it show up all over facebook, but all over professional photography websites.
Are you drunk? Because I am and if you're not, this may be very awkward in the morning
Thats for me to know and you to find out.
Dude, he threw a pool chair off of an 8 story building. It was a successful night I'd say.
Side note. I love it when I think I've sobered up and then I get a second wind of drunk
2 hours later, she made her cat watch the waterfall scene from Homeward Bound to teach her how good she has it here.
After what I experienced at 6am this morning, all I can say is chew your noodles thoroughly.
I'm so stoned I just sat here for like at least 45 min thinking about how I would get some jack in the box tacos if only I knew where my wallet was and then I kind of blinked and finally noticed I had literally been staring at my wallet the ENTIRE fucking time
I'm at a sex party and there's a guy in an ICP jersey and trip pants. I see now that this is the moment in the movie of my life I recognize I have a problem
Sooo, did you delete me cause I said I wouldn't babysit you while you did shrooms? You're a grown man.
You said "I feel like a koala bear. Do you ever just feel like a koala bear?" This is your brain on drugs.
Randomize
