Jager Bombs are cool, but hydrogen bombs are where it's at. Sparks and jager equals instant black out, I mistakenly tried eating a cigarette thinking it was a nacho.
Her vagina smelled like chicken
why do you say that
chicken smells like everything
I five year old is judging me because I just opened a bottle of Sam Adams with my teeth before 8am
I love that your last three texts to me were "Drunk." "Getting laid." "In the hospital."
I. Put. Them. Back. We are NOT making a habit of jail visits.
Hey, umm this is awkward but I want to apologize in case you find gum in your pubes. Not sure if I swallowed it or spit it out. It's all a blur.
Hurry there's four guys dressed up as a bachelorette party, one has a condom veil and the rest are selling candy bouquets and asking if anyone wants to get laid for $5
Woke up with your brother in my bed...where do you want me to return him?
I think god invented us with two hands so we can grab an ass and spank it at the same time.
I just can't even fathom the crazy and I work at a mental hospital.
Not a or good or bad impression, just that you were all basically naked playing beer bong in sombreros and ties. Casual.
Pretty sure my first birthday present will be a pic of an 18-year-old's cock. And I am OK with that
I want to eat a stick of butter
Did your pain meds kick in?
It tastes nice
How long do I have to listen to him talk about the chickens before telling him I just really want to fuck? Note: it's already been twelve minutes.
i just went to hell in the tanning bed. i think god is giving me a preview of what is in store if i keep getting drunk everyday.
Randomize
