we were making out and he got up to change his pants. I wonder what would happen if i took my shirt off.
As it would turn out, "jesusssssss" is not the password to enter Faith Chapel's wifi network.
We had sex in the woods. It was great until some bird started mimicking my orgasm sounds
Just sneezed out a half gram of coke into a tissue. Four hours after the fact. The bender continues.
Did I tell you I had a charge show up for $36 on a credit card I haven't used in 6 months from Wild Wings? It was that night we slept across the street from the bar.
Hey, I can't find my bed frame. Do you know who took it?
I already have one guy that I have regrettable sex with. I don't need another.
And then we made hashbrowns with vodka and queso.
Traveling before 21 and traveling after 21 are two different things. There's a whole nother world of red white and blue weird out there
Some guy was coming onto me last night and in the middle of it all he said: 'It literally says this on my birth certificate: Francis Coburt: The Guy Who Can Pull Two Beers Outta His Pants Like Magic.'
Yes, let me tell you about the time I was forcibly locked in a bathroom when my ex-girlfriend was having a bad shroom trip.
he's like a horny 3rd grader on cocaine. he needs a leash
Rob and I are cross faded and the only one taking care of us is a drunk person who's making us dance.
Do you ever look at someone's Snapchat story and think ‘you told me you would eat my ass’?
Anyway, that's been my evening- crying and looking up diabetes symptoms. How was your night?
Randomize
