Instead of having sex, we spent the entire night making pillow forts and have sword fights. I think I'm in love
Zach says you can't see his penis until after we're married...not sure why?! Bt then he said he thinks maybe you already have on the wild animal night!
the blizzard started in kansas. im debating driving to a bar now so i can get snowed in there for the game
She's like the pied piper of lesbians.
No, but I woke up here and my pockets are full of raisins. Like 6 different pockets.
What can I say? When alcohol is my motivation, I can move mountains.
Russians do not operate on the same level as the rest of us. hoping I wake up tomorrow
I almost itched my nose with the lit end of a cigarette. Help.
I'll be in my room with a breakfast burrito at 2:30. It's up to you...
She's posted my bail. Twice. Of course I'm going to be her wing girl.
You don't realize it's a small world until your ex girlfriend's dad unintentionally messages you on grindr..what.the.fuck.
Is it bad to have a craving for speed? I feel like my nose is thirsty.
Are you still feeling it? I'm in the bathtub. The water doesn't work but it's okay because I'm wearing pants.
Yea not today, I ending up taking a shit behind a tree last night.
I'm just trying my hardest not to get addicted to drugs or pregnant and all your other friends are out there getting married
Randomize
