I'm at the laundry mat. This guy is here showing me his ankle monitor. The weird ones always find me.
Last night you told her she was rocking the beer gut. Still wondering why you have that black eye?
just got a rotting pancake and bacon in the mail from your address....
just walked past a group of stoners who were staring open jawed in the spice aisle. tonight they will stumble upon something amazing.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I will return your cat, I saw a mouse in my apt last night and your door was unlocked, it seemed really practical
I just realized I used lady gaga lyrics in my research paper on marie antoinette
i wrote down the address for planned parenthood on the back of the receipt for the condom that broke
Some great men died of syphilis. I accept your compliment.
This does no justice to the amount of paint I'm covered in or the amount of balls I'm tripping.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Only I would come home from a random banging with beer and watermelon
Seius question. Does a penis floar when ina baht? Must find out.
I opened my package from my mom today. She put four bottles of tequila in the bottom under my ducky slippers. She knows me way to well.
Seriously, I woke you up with tacos, I think I deserve the best girlfriend ever award
Doing bumps while the kids play upstairs. #bestnannyever
Last night she walked off and disappeared from everyone got home at 330 and said she went to the casino with her cab driver.
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