I am in the hospital with a broken wrist because a guy told me that if I punched him it "wouldn't hurt." it hurt. me. Thank you 11 jello shots.
Dude, she uses Old Spice. It smelled like I was eating out my grandfather.
you handled that situation with as much grace as someone puking involuntarily could
the only reason i invite her is so when the guys start to hit on her i know it's time to take their keys
I don't think blacking out in class is a good idea. But I'm game
wanna play who's drunker? I just made macaroni & cheese taco and offered it to the pizza Guy as a tip.
He makes this seasoned whore feel like a novice. I've met the one.
Today I'm judging my level of singleness on a scale of one to eat-a-can-of-frosting. It's not looking good for me.
Ooooh. Get funfetti
My chest hair is, as we speak, arching upward to embrace my neck beard. The union will be a storied one.
He pointed at me, then leaned in and said "shes the best at blow jobs" then chris fist pumped him and said "dude, I know"
Was asked out on a date tonight on Linked In. That creepy genius at apple that touched my butt one time in the back stairwell. I thinks it's fair to say I've hit rock bottom.
I woke up this morning with a text from my mom as to why the hell random people were showing up at the house. Turns out nobody came to our house party because I gave them my old address, fuck pre-partying for real
And to be fair, I think we all suspect that forbidden sex with an outlaw biker might be worth it.
After all this I still can't spell gonorrhoea without autocorrect
Damn that sucks I haven't needed pants the whole time i've been here
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