we better have passed that bar exam - i dont want to have to drink like this again
I don't know how to say this, but I think you're a fucking bitch and the sooner you die I'll be happier.
Sorry- wrong number! :)
The one from last night got me a whole floor of Eskimo Brothers. There was a celebration of high fiving as I left
While you were in the ER we decided to tailgate in the parking lot until security told us that's not allowed.
The lady next to me at the airport just baggage checked a six pack. She is now my hero.
She bit a glowstick open. Apparently they burn. We bonded while she washed the chemicals out of her mouth as I did double shots of Jager.
this year we will have multiple halloween identities. lesbian couple meets brian and stewie
feelin groggy baby? need a coffee? vitamins? a nice good fuck on the piano?
I got really upset about missing him last night when I was demonstrating penis sizes of the people I've slept with using a tape measurer to my roommates
At leat we can cross off 'having sex in a classroom' on our bucket list.
A check for $9 that I used to buy six boxes of Girl Scout cookies bounced. I think I've hit a new low.
Only you could make a reflective vest look even remotely sexy
I'm sorry I lead life with my vagina.
Never in my life have I been so excited to nap as I am right now.
I did not shave my legs to sit at home and diddle myself. He better wake the fuck up and put the fear of god in me!
Randomize
