Jesus wouldn't steal pop tarts. So why did you?
Tell me why I go to the dollar store for nail polish remover and a ghetto black dude trys to hit on me in the parking lot, then he gets in line behind me with a dousche bag literally and that is his only purchase.
john hughes is dead. crushing any and all dreams of me ever being in an 80's john hughes film. bummer.
It was then that he suggested we all nibble ears. A nibble circle.
You are colorful like whore, yet adorable, like sad puppy. You need more drink.
You came back with four clearly unattractive women and wanted to throw a dance party in my room.
We had sex in the tent after his 6th beer and while we were at it we had conversations with the people outside the tent.
We got really stoned and then we fucked. Then he made me a panini.
Oooh, he sounds pretty classy
Actually, not at all. We were stoned so he made me a peanut butter panini. With a Rollo in the middle of it. And he left the panini press on all night. I could have died.
direct quote from andrew "you know i can't hear when i drink whiskey"
It is super hard to find a good vegan dominatrix! THAT'S why I'm single
Dude you spoke to a girl about CRICKET. She MUST want sex
Lesson learned:nothing good comes from an at home wax kit.
yeah I woke up in jail with two different shoes on and neither of them were mine
She started snoring post sex, so I drunkenly walked 8 miles at 4am to go fishing. Please come pick me up
He has no idea he’s my boyfriend.
Randomize
