Ummmm the art teacher neighbor asked me to pose nude for her art class for cash.
He actually believes he's not an alcoholic if he doesn't go to meetings.
I may or may not be drunk driving a golf cart. Vegaaaassssssss.
The girl sitting next to me in class is writing her to-do list under the title 11/31.
I am totally the chick from Intervention who barfs up wine and then re-eats it.
I heard about the break up and if you need a place to stay my vagina is open for you 24/7
I'm not worried. All I have to do is not be the drunkest painter at 8:00. Golden.
Seriously? We dated for 2 weeks. TWO. And I've crushed his soul and put out the light in his dark world? What the actual fuck.
Yeah, well. That's what you get for dating a musician.
Actually, I take that back. You can only have it if I'm allowed to French braid the mullet.
Your exhaustion is probably due to your rampant sexual urges and the fact that you live the same life as a raccoon.
Yes. That was the exact moment of my conscience clicking into instant high alert.
Btw there's a hedgehog in my room. Don't get it high
he was like tryna hang and chat and I was like dude there's an iguana in this room
Dilemma. I'm out of wine and I can't put on clothes to go to the liquor store bc I just got spray tanned. If this isnt white girl problems I don't know what is.
i realized my signature handshake has now become a hookup. i love what college has done to me.
Randomize
