Sex tip #67: Jizz in the eye is very near the equivalent to pepper spray. Not recommended for pleasure enhancement.
she has over 3,000 tagged photos on facebook. dont tell me she isnt annoying.
How do you politely bring up someone's criminal record?
I feel like vodka or no vodka, you'd still be trying to button your cat into your comforter
I wish I could sell my textbooks directly to my drug dealer and cut out the middle man
Just say you're the husband at the front desk to get in. She's in room 15 at the ER.
what? who is this?
I remember now some guy came over and hit on me and poured peppermint schnapps and chocolate syrup in my mouth. Pretty sure he was dressed like Santa....
Idk. Last year there was an ice luge, glow in the dark jungle juice, and lots of naked people. I feel like I'll get pregnant just thinking about going to that party.
Kristy just reminded me that I have a bottle of champagne to lick off your ass hole...... This is by way of saying that we have plans on Friday.
Totally clawed myself in the face during sex. I can die happy?
CURSE YOU AND YOUR SEXY LOGIC
He asked me to fly out to Seattle to participate in a week of marathon sex so I'm at the airport now. I'll call you when I get back.
I’m going to cut back. New Year, New Me
I would never wish less dick on anyone but do what you gotta do
Who the fuck just called me and played funkytown
I was singing Colors of the Wind and swigging vodka and still felt like more of an adult.
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