I specifically asked you not to be slutty tonight.
dude im shwasted, kabul is not the best place for this
That bar we were at last night smelled like cougars. Virginia Slims, Aqua Net and Summer's Eve.
You didn't have enough money so you tried to convince the cashier that "four dollar foot long" rolled off the tongue better. Stop drinking. Immediately.
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i will pay you if you can come get me. he just suggested that we would have a hockey themed wedding.
i chased bacardi with meat sauce last night
the only thing keeping me going right now is the knowledge that in 2 hours i'll be drunk at the circus.
He said last night that he'd never had such a great conversation and such a great handjob at the same time.
The guy in the American Flag bikini was telling the women he was disgusted at the amount of alcohol they weren't drinking. Then it got ridiculous.
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This is the most boring acid ever. I feel like a child. But thats okay, I've been a child before, its nothing new.
I tripped while walking across the stage and while trying to pick my diploma back up my flask fell out in front of the dean
I punched the bar tender after he cut me off. Hopped over the bar and made my own drink. That's how I got tazed
How exactly does a handjob become fancy?
Blueberry lube, and champagne.
My liver can't handle being unemployed!
i've hit rock bottom. Eating pringles and playing taylor swift on guitar in my underwear at 11am on a wedensday morning. Sober.
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