She said if it slipped out one more time she was going to duct tape it in her vagina
i just watched kanye west and taylor swift have a chugging contest. why cant halloween be every day
she is like cheap alcohol. you can only get so buzzed before you get sick.
I just figured out, there are 9 children in this world that I can look at in the face and say "I fucked your mom."
I have so much boob sweat I could bathe a baby
Remember when we had a keg, and then another 5 cases... and like 30 people drank it all?
Everything hurts.
Just had to masturbate in the bathroom because mom changed my room into a "knitting" room. I hate coming home.
there is vodka in my soul right now. The vapor is coming out my nose.
I'm just over here all sober hanging with two high people talking about how they're "free-spirited stallions."
He's carved the words "SLAM STATION" into his headboard...
They are gonna stay together and get married and have 2 children before he wakes up and realizes that there is more to life than anal
Pregnancy has ruined porn for me. I can't watch a hot chick get it on without being jealous of her perfectly waxed shit. I can't even see my shit.
Here’s how sick I am. I’m not hungry. I don’t want coffee. And I don’t want dick. So, you know it’s bad.
You still owe me one bodily function mess clean up.
You pee on the floor one time and you never hear the end of it...
I went to steal condoms from your room and all I could find was chik fil a sauce
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