I understand how i shit in my shoes, but explain why you were wearing them.
No it only became awkward when she walked in with her new boyfriend and we realized we'd all banged her
I knew my chances of getting laid had increased after she walked into my room and yelled "DICK TIME"
She volunteers at a homeless shelter. You volunteered to drink 7 day expired milk for $3. No chance. Give up.
You are two creepy Justin Bieber quotes away from me not talking to you for the rest of the day
If I had a pelvic thrust emoticon, I would use it
What happened at the top of the stairs is never to be spoken of again.
he tried to breastfeed my turtle
Ur gonna wake up early as dick tomorrow to do some responsible shit but im the one up at 3 am right now cooking brats soaked in keystone light so fuck your falling asleep ass bitch
He's a forty-something balding gay man with no boundaries or sense of social norms. Of course we should befriend him.
Slip and slide hallway was not one of my better ideas.
Yes, if by 'finishing my business' you mean vomiting in her bathtub and losing my watch.
Just put me in your contacts as coyote
CUTE BOY IN THE OFFICE WALKED BY AS I WAS STARING IN HORROR AT HARRY POTTER THEMED SKELETON PORN
You're now part of the minority of friends who haven't seen my boobs.
like I'd leave you in a situation like that..pfft. what kinda friend do you think I am?
...a stoned one.
Randomize
