I just saw a guy masturbating vigorously at the bus stop across from del taco at 2:30am...im pretty sure he wasn't even homeless
her fupa was seducing me. this is the last time i'm doing shrooms.
tell me how i ended up in the movie theater alone with a bottle of smirnoff and a bendy straw.
I'm getting very mixed reviews. One friend told me to stop drinking bc the last 3 times he's heard from me I've either peed my pants, been throwing up, or people have been having sex beside me.
Strangely enough I'm encouraging you to keep drinking for all the same reasons.
Please tell me nicole sent the picture of the ejaculating penis to you too, otherwise I'll feel really awkward
I kept trying to give you water and you kept spitting it back at me. You looked like a camel. People were staring
our relationship was basically a one night stand, with a three week long, morning after
Looking back on this weekend, I'm most grateful I never brought up with word "toe-fucking" at the bachelorette party.
the evidence suggests last night I either took a bath in beer or drank 18 beers while in the bath. either one sounds good to me. sad i don't remember it
Remember the golden rule, wine is for baths, and beer is for showers.
Every guy I've ever fucked is single right now
Pray for me
I just wrote a self loathing message to self, wrapped my credit card in it, put it in an envelope, sealed it with another hate messame, and put it in my lock box. So. That's where I'm at.
got the runs at the club last night. wondering when it'll be safe to show my face again.
I’ve had a lot of vodka, 3 different dicks and no food since last night. Come get me
We got stoned and watched Disney movies all night. I think I'm in love.
Randomize
