For the millionth time in his career, Brett Favre has screwed over the Vikings
I just had the ultimate walk of shame. I'm barefoot, in his gym short with vomit in my hair and I walked half a mile through campus. At noon. Thanks for picking up ur phone
In America we eat man semen.
you tried to do a keg stand and ended up flipping over it and onto the table
my dog ran away and came back with a marajuana plant. what are you doing tonight?
Do I buy ice cream sandwiches or a 40? these are the difficult life decisions I am faced with.
i am going to show so many millionaires my nipple
The last party at your house was a sex toy party...it's an obvious transition to baby shower
Look man, sometimes you just gotta say "Sure! Why not? I can always take a shower afterwards"
Somehow I ended up in a different costume dancing with some tree of a guy in the basement bathroom, what did you give me?
Dude, my ex girlfriend showed up, bought me a tequila shot, made out with me and then disappeared into the night. Then her current girlfriend saw, so she came over and slapped me and then I made out with her too
This was before halftime
I RUINED A LESBIAN RELATIONSHIP BEFORE HALFTIME
Congrats on dating a convict, there's no fitbit badge for that one.
Did I tell you he put a lobster carcass on his dick?
I just found out how I got home last night. The bartenders found me sitting in the brush peeing and called me a cab. Have you seen my underwear?
It took him 15 minutes to put the condom on.
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