Do you want the good news or bad news first?
bad news
The bad news is i thew up on your bed, the good news is i found out who ate your cheetos.
quadriplegic porn is always funny
no. no its not
idea:have a jello shot stand(opposed to lemonade stand) to raise money for spring break
Dude I thought this was going to suck, but moving back in with my dad is like being at a frat party every night only everyone is 40 years old.
He woke up, got my bottle of water and poured it on me and then went back to sleep. Not really how I want to wake up at 2 a.m.
Our brains have an emergency blowjob override switch. You saw proof tonight.
I think that "I fucked your little brother" wasn't the best way to introduce yourself.....
I'm drunk off vodka and I haven't eaten today. I've never felt more like Kirsten Cohen in my life.
On Wednesday I'm putting wine in a water bottle and crashing Margaret thatchers funeral
His friend still there? Be like "I need to see both of your dicks ASAP"
we watched a porno and made a drinking game out of it. best first date ever.
So I've decided that blue balls for lesbians is rainbow balls and the struggle is real
It took 5 bourbons for him to handcuff and spank me and then he cried after sex. The men that like me are so unstable.
He has a syndrome called asshole. And it flares up 24/7.
Unless you want to see me masturbate, I think skype is a no go for now.
Randomize
