Just had to reach into my sister's bag and shut off her vibrator so my parents wouldn't hear it. I am the world's greatest brother.
What do you say about some mid-afternoon anal?
I wish i could sleep and get drunk at the same time...those are my 2 biggest needs right now
just saw an advertisement for the rock in the tooth fairy...can you say rock bottom?
he said the way to his heart was through his stomach, i told him if he wanted to eat my food he had to eat my kitty
smooth operator
maybe next time you shouldn't be drinking alone watching intervention at 3 am and no one would think you needed an intervention.
Until last night, I had never actually thrown up ON a sandwich
Besides asking our teacher if he enjoyed being fisted did I have any other tragic moments last night?
Yeah it'll definitely be worth it. Not having syphilis all the time you know
Tomorrow may or may not be a problem cause i'll be wonder woman for a halloween party aka i'll be fucked up & try & jump off of shit thinking i can fly
He showed up at my front door with Plan B and a rose...
How do you say "thats kinda illegal" in thai?
I told him I was going to sit on his face after I got out of the shower, he threw up the arm boners and yelled "STEVE HOLT!!" I might actually stop sleeping with other dudes.
I'm at the point in my life where I'm gonna sell my eggs for cash
Why do I feel so obligated to masterbate just because I’m single and it’s valentines Day...
Randomize
