You're boyfriend is farting in his sleep. The last one sounded like a threat.
I would like to remind you that Mike's hard lemonade only goes good with an extra light cigarette and seminal fluid.
There's half of a squirrel in the bathtub - i figured you'd be the one to go to.
i really care about you, respect you, another gay word, and another gay word... lets just drink
my goal is to not remember how i make a living by 9pm saturday night
i wanna pet his head its so fluffy. were gonna open a petting zoo
You need to come over. I cant get her to stop eating honey mustard straight from the squeeze bottle
They invented the twister shot game. You put a shot on each circle, take it when you land on it, and if you fall, they funnel the mat and make you drink it. New best friends.
But he found my shoe...that at least deserves a handjob.
He was the only guy who ever made me cry..
Who, the park ranger who made you dump out your beer on the beach?
I managed to make myself a bowl of apple jacks, took one bite and had to stop eating them because they were making my brain wiggle. How was your comedown?
Also I found and fixed my beer gun.
Halfway through missionary I realized I was partially laying on his sleeping dog and idk that just kinda ruined it for me sooo
I swear I was in Legend of Zelda Twilight Princess and American Ninja Warrior at the same time. I'm never getting high while rock climbing again.
I think I found my saving grace in the form of a beard at the bar.
Randomize
