no one is going to fuck you in a field of bunnies
The bender is in full force. After 2 bloody mary's at breakfast we are now drinking vodka redbull "as a precaution" so we will stay awake for the club tonight.
I learned an important lesson this weekend.... I'm way to good at sex to travel for it. From now on he drives here...
Was I shouting at a fire engine last Friday?
guess who's eating a vending machine cheese danish, has no panties on, and is still the classiest bitch at this bus stop?
I may be Daddy's little princess, but doesn't mean I can't be the blowjob queen.
Just thought you should know that your brother tried to febreeze his floors with cooking spray last night.
you kept introducing yourself to guys as "never going to happen"
I am wearing two different shoes and just swallowed my gum. Wake the fuck up and bang the bartender already.
He's acting like I should like him more than vodka and Taco Bell, but I just don't ser that happening.
The night went downhill when he took his pants off at our table and walked up to women saying "Special delivery"
Still pimpin that dick in the cornfields. Now it's just transferred to the local bar.
I can recall having this conversation with a three year old, but go on
HANDS OFF UNTIL AFTER I DO BUTT STUFF WITH HIM.
Can’t fucking wait for Tuesday night. Have another situation that popped up. I swear my life is like a cross between a soap opera and a porno
Randomize
