I just hatefucked a Bush administration appointee. Now having celebratory mimosas.
If Rob Pattinson gets another fucking MTV award, I'm going to vomit.
With sake I got over my irrational fear of seafood. Now I just fear sake.
We can smell you smoking weed from downstairs and your little brother is asking why the upstairs smells like gasoline. Please smoke in the basement. XOXO dad.
the only muscles i have these days is kegels
Tidal wave of highness just hit. Find shelter and catnip. gloves. zebra striped car washes.
Just picked them up. It took 6 holes and a handle of rum to evolve from golf to a demolition derby.
There's an entire pit crew of cart boys surveying the golf cart destruction.
I HAVE MY OWN TITS FOR THAT AND I CAN GUARANTEE THAT THEYRE MORE GLORIOUS
Here's the thing, you got road head in two different cars tonight. You feel lucky yet?
I actually cannot wait for your visit. I miss people who make me look like the virgin mary in comparison.
I specialize in how to hang out and party with randoms after you've hooked up with them. Not in feelings.
I had no idea he had such passive aggressive animalistic tendencies. This is the human equivalent of peeing on someone.
I wanna riverboat gamble on your vaginal waters. Just sayin
She's currently singing "I'm gonna keep on lovin you" to her pillow. How do you think tonight went?
Lesbians just stole my cat :(
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