i feel rough
just turned on the light, there is blood EVERYWHERE.
You and your empty threats of no sex. Like.u.cud.hold.out.
I just high-fived this girl after she swallowed.
My dad just told me he used to masturbate to cat woman...he then proceeded to beat my brother in beer pong and wont let me play...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
my hangover today makes thursday's feel like a bubble bath.
He's like the fucking Houdini of bras. Not only did I not feel him take it off I didn't find it until two days later.
Currently standing on top of my parents leather couch with no pants on playing helicoptor with my penis. You?
...Then she just started hitting me with a loaf of bread.
I don't think anybody else enjoys making out with multiple guys on the same night as much as I do. I'm like a wine taster but with lips... it's like art to me. The bruise on my upper lip is proof of it
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He insisted he brought his alarm clock everywhere, and then the girl screamed "fuck French people!"
Woke up behind one of the fraternity brothers houses in the grass wearing a guinness hat and aviators hugging a 30 rack box with a zonie on my chest next to a campfire.
GDI YOU HAVE THE GOD OF FUCKING THUNDER'S NUDES AND YOU DIDN'T SHARE
Monday funday. I brushed my teeth with antibacterial soap. hangover I did not have.
He started saying the pledge of allegiance so his boner would go down. Merica.
The guy I hooked up with two weeks ago just friended me on Venmo, I honestly won't be mad if he pays me for the sex
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