Eating a burrito bowl w/ queso sauce is about as cool as the first time you have sex w/ out a condom
i had a dream the other night i was titty fucking you while you were asleep, then you woke up and didn't care.
I'm so turned on right now it's fucking stupid. I hate burger king commercials
Just checked my bank account while shitting blood. Neither action felt good when I was done.
she's googling pictures of Freddy Mercury and whispering 'I'm ready'
Three of the best words ever! Cocaine. Research. Study.
Did you ask last night's taxi driver about his penis hygiene?
It must be illegal for me to be this drunk in front of this many children
I'm going to a foam party and gonna grind someones dick off hayy
He woke me up at 5am to recite nursery rhymes to our fictitious unborn child.
Our conversation concluded a weekly schedule of casual sex in between classes.
Am I supposed to get so horny by looking at your dick that I start orgasming uncontrollably
Yeah,I'm just gonna keep fucking other guys til this idiot figures out he loves me.
You're going to replace me with a robot made of heating blankets and a vibrator?
When I told her I was deaf and took my hearing aids out at night to sleep, she said it must be nice not having to hear drunken roommates having awkward sex late at night.
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