If i come over, it means nothing
Black thong, sheer white shorts not a professional look. This chick has no idea what sunlight makes her outfit look like.
the cashier at riteaid just made the sign of the cross before he rang up my pregnancy test. now i know god is on my side
do you ever just like the smell of your farts?
guess where i woke up this morning? If you guessed the hospital, you sir are correct.
He considered it romantic when he told me mid-blow job that no matter what happens, he will "never forget how good of a dick I suck". Verbatim.
Emergency! LinkedIn connected me to a hotornot hookup from sophomore year... slutty phase sphere has officially invaded grown up professional sphere. My illusions of interweb sexual anonymity have been exploded.
I don't know what I wash first. My body or my puke painted car. People are judging me as I drive by.
Getting stoned at work has never been a good idea, but im always more than willing to give it another chance
If if makes you feel any better, you're definitely the hottest guy I've ever friendzoned.
Just finished off half a bottle of vodka. Can't take in anymore liquids so I ate 3 spoonfuls of your powdered gatorade to fight off the hangover. Wish me luck and check me for a pulse when you get in!
I have no idea how but i got a hold of a blue food dye packet. And proceeded to rub it all over my tits. So yeah i'd say its safe to say i'll be known as smurfette for a while
I ran into a wall that clearly had things popping out. My eyebrow was bruised, both arms, the bottom of my foot. Lost half of my finger nail, my fake eyelash was stuck in my hair and I have about 47 blurry pictures of a half naked zombie DJ.
I can't hangout tonight, I have a phone sex appointment at 10
YOU UNCULTURED BADGER
Randomize
