the thought of Anne Coulter teabagging Dick Cheney kills me everytime.
Driving with balloons in your car is more annoying than that bubble fart that doesn't leave your ass after your previous fart.
sorry for throwing an entire water bottle of vodka at you. It was very wasteful
Well technically because of daylight savings, I only lasted 15 mintues.
I have sand in every orifice, there are bruises everywhere, and I smell like a distillery. I love summer.
I guess I just laid down next to him with the entire pot of mac n cheese and started giving him a handie with one hand and eating with the other
Yo I found your batman costume.... It was in my pool with a shitload of beer cans
Pencil dick carries the name proudly.
My CPA just snapchatted me a picture of her playing beer pong at a picnic. Time to do my own taxes?
Didn't you used to babysit him?
18 years ago I helped him into his clothes. Today he helped me out of mine.
No. We can't get pedicures until my toenails grow back.
Just had my butthole waxed. If that changes your plans for Saturday..
I’m also apparently a very socialist drunk now
Instead of a horny one. All I want to fuck is capitalism these days.
He's hot, clean, can actually cook, and best of all isn't a narcissistic prick. I found a unicorn.
Ride that fucker.
Who else has a jello penis in their fridge?!
Randomize
