My drunk dialing habit needs to go. My drunk habit can stay though.
you do realize eating doritos and gatorade as a breakfast hangover cure is only acceptable for one more month - then we have to grow up
She just drank the vanilla extract. Again. AGAIN. No one should be that eager to get drunk.
This morning is cloudy with a high chance of vomiting all over the dentist. Stay tuned for further updates.
first reaction to dying the pubes purple - awesome. Reaction after I explain the process - not awesome. Hypothesis? when girls find out you know to bleach and dye your hair, they're turned off.
His personality is sparkling but nothing beats his ass
And on that day, Satan said; "Let there be the friend zone and let us get fucking high." while Jesus silently cried in the background.
Oh Julie took your pants off last night, I put your pajama bottoms on, and Rachel took your bra off. It takes a village.
Typing up notes at the bar and doing shots with the bartender until close on a Wednesday. This is what my second year of law school has become.
Handcuffed our DD to a naked stripper don't think he will try to sneak out
He can pick locks you know
That's the reason for the naked stripper
I'm so confused as to where the sexual euphemisms end and the drinking starts
And then the templeton police were like "oh I remember her, yeah the blue haired girl that we picked up cause she was passed out drunk on the side of the road"
I mayyyyy have moaned a name that wasn't his
Yeah ok. We can maid of honor each other since you don't like my boobs enough to lesbian marry me
That moment when you're in a room with 3 guys and know how big their dicks are. Then you are married to the one with the smallest dick.
Randomize
