Some man just said he would jack off to my hair color.
how to cook rice: 1. put random amount of rice and water in a pot 2. have sex on the kitchen floor. when you are done having sex the rice is ready
you kept eating the heads off the gummy bears and screaming 'euthanized!'
Where does it all go? I've busted inside of you like 10 times in the last week.
Gay TA. Finally going to boost my GPA your way.
She looks like a junkie muppet...awful
Responsibility: Hiding your beer when your DWI clients who are out on bond come to talk to you at bars.
Don't come. It's not even a party it's a total sausage fest. Like 20 drunk dudes in a bedroom. We can still drink by ourselves though it'll be ok
WHAT THE FUCK KIND OF NINTENDO FILLED GLORIOUS ENCHANTING FANTASY LAND ARE YOU IN?! DUDE DID YOU MOVE TO THE 90S?!?!?!
me + whiskey = a bad person
I mean in all honesty I would let James Franco shit on my chest. End of story
THE STRIPPER HAD A GUN JOHN!
I don't care how hot she was. She didn't like Scooby Doo and I don't fuck with that.
I didn't really understand how big 10 inches is. Now I know.
So apparently I fell asleep sitting on the toilet last night while my drunk girlfriend sang to me.
Randomize
