My Hamptons summer hookup resume reads like a walk-in clinic waiting list.
Apparently when he woke up I was tripping my face off. Everytime the cat meowed I would meow back. This went on for several hours.
what is TOTES MCGOATS in spanish?
So im on with some ukrainian stripper for a vodka tasting tomorrow. If I die tell my family im awesome
Can I get a "hallelujah" for railing my pastors daughter last night?
If it looks really sketchy and smells like burnt pizza and pot you're in the right place
I'll just be sleeping in this laundry room. Come get me at bar close.
She was horrified when I asked if they had any strap on chin dildos, I was at a sex shop for gods sake must I be judged everywhere
I was just lying down, dumping goldfish into my mouth and they like all came out I thought I was going to choke and die and people would be like damn that's so sad, she died laying in bed stuffing her face and reading kanye wests twitter, damn.
I'm supposed to nail the old lady at 1:30 so I'll see you at 1:35ish.
A homeless man just offered me vodka. The power it took to deny it deserves an award.
There was nowhere else for me to go. I'm like the island of misfit toys but I'm hot.
The only thing about him that I appreciated was that he destroyed the bathroom at your birthday and missed singing to you. And we all knew.
All I remember is that I was trying to call my wolf pack by howling.
You think my vibrator will be okay in the dishwasher?
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