ok now this is the second time he's reffered to recieving a blow job as 'getting his pee pee sucked'
My mom asked what the mark on my neck was - I told her I burned it with a straightener.
She believed that the monsterous hickey on your neck was a burn?
well, not really. but then i reminded her that my sister has yet to take that pregnancy test and she conviniently forgot about my hickey
Pretending to care to care about playoffs in exchange for free shots. I'm sorry in advance.
yeah, it's no longer just 'day drinking' when it's 5pm and you're knocking over fruit displays at fresh market
I was told to ask you about memoirs of a geisha.
It's official drugs can't kill me
Rosemary is literally sitting on the ground holding on to the rug because she thinks she is going to fall if she lets go. We smoked way too much.
If you say no to drinking on a Monday then I'm going to take you to the hospital for a MRI
Think of something healthy and responsible. Now think of the exact opposite, let's do the latter
It's a little weird that I'm blowing my wingman.
It was all good till you had ppl chasin shots of ciroc with fucking applesauce
Driving you two to the party with a keg belted into the back seat has given me a brief glimpse of parenthood. I am now more resolved than ever to never breed, so thanks for that.
What i love about my dog is i can lay in bed and masturbate with him at the foot, and he just leaves me alone.
He is so pussy whipped she has made him change his name to Toby
he won't tell me his last name, but I know his garage key code
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