Thanks again for letting me crash last nite. Sorry I banged your little brother.
before i die, we are going to oregon and playing oregon trails for real. like putting things in a hat & people will pull out whether they live or die. and they die of fun things like typhoid, dysentary, or hunting accident.
i was so drunk i stopped mid-blowjob to make sure he i was with my boyfriend and not some random. twice.
i just uploaded pictures of my nephew, and you & d puking in the same toilet. i think i should keep them in the same album. show my nephew what he has to look forward to.
She talked about nothing but beanie babies for 45 minutes. I'm never getting high with her again.
there's a liquor store near my therapist
i might give it a shot.
officially christened the dorm room by sucking my spilled drink off the floor. tastes like homee
WHY DO YOU ALWAYS PUT THE PLUG IN THE SINK BEFORE YOU PUKE IN IT
Well I blew a guy I barely know in full view of a homeless camp. That's pretty tame for me.
I can't wait till we are old and wrinkly and I can turn to you and ask, "Remember when you Rick Jamesed the shit out of that couch??"
I mean I want to be happy but it's a train wreck that you can't look away from
On a separate note, I just found out some condoms aren't vegan. Problem.
Hahahaha I can't wait for you to ask "wait. are there any animal by products in that?"
How early is too early for a booty call on a Monday night?
Did you send me a cake saying 'Happy 1st One-Night Stand Ever'?
Because you put the dick in ridiculously amazing boyfriend. And you deserve to have nice things happen to your penis. That's why.
Randomize
