we were dressed as cave people and he kept telling everybody i was so easy a caveman could do it.
girl in the front row yawned. double jointed jaw. i know where i'll be sitting next class
Seriously man, I'm worried that my dick's going to fall off someday if I keep this up...
Haha o man how much you've grown. From beer bonging wine and wearing cargo shorts to well, beer bonging beer and wearing cargo shorts
Hands down the most disgusting picture message ever received. Thank you.
im here for your entertainment
He managed to tell me he was blind in one eye and convince me to have sex with him in the same conversation. It's love.
I bought you a small gift as a preemptive apology for being a drunken slut tonight.
She asked the woman in the drive through to cover everything she ordered in mayonnaise, including here chilli cheese fries. Didn't happen. Then she started swerving at the car next to us screaming, asking if they had mayonnaise.
started my period, we have to try again next week
if we have anymore sex before that my dick is gonna fall off. that is in no way a complaint
Dude true life I died at the derby...I lost everyone I knew, went down a bourbon and mud slip and slide, lost my hat, fell off the roof of a porta potty, sprained my ankle and knee and then got arrested.
What does it say about my expectations if I'm pounding three beers the hour before a date?
This is the second time you've stolen a pet when you're drunk, given it back and cashed in on a reward...I think you have a problem
Gotta pay my student loans some way
This is why you arnt allowed in pet stores
We left Waffle House and he took off running five miles down the road saying we were "training for the Olympics." And I mean, I couldn't leave him out there like that...
That has got to be a joke. No human eats that much grass and lives to tell the tale.
Randomize
