Its official, cigarettes are now more expensive than weed
he said i was chugging vodka in the parking lot, gave my # to a married man, started a food fight, and passed out at the bar. how could he NOT consider that a good first date???
you are the best fuck buddy i could have, all the others get feelings and morals involved
i knew i liked her after she chugged tequila, fell down the stairs and said "oh dont worry i knew it'd be faster this way"
She asked me how I live with myself. I told her one night at a time.
I'm pretty sure it all started going downhill last night when they suggested I see how much sambuca I could fit in my mouth
All is not lost. The bondage chair came with repair seals and glue. It's like the knewwwwwww this would happen.
Had to go see my sisters new baby this morn in the clothes I wore to the rave last night. Still drunk. Almost dropped it. I'll be a good aunt right?
Turns out he's old enough to be my dad. I'm so excited. I've never had a sugar daddy before. What should I ask for first!? Want anything?
I hope you get some kind or rare disease that makes your dick ties itself in a knot for fucking her you lucky bastard.
Idk I was embarrassed that I hit it too hard so I played it off by spitting out bong water like a 'whales blowhole'
I just took the batteries out of the xbox remote so she could replace the dead ones in her vibrator If that's not love I don't know what is
Nothing will stop me from making the title of my paper "The Great Political Cock Block." Absolutely nothing.
It's sad that I'm more proud of my Twitter account then my resume
Its 6:30pm and dad just drunk called me asking me what the alarm code at home is..... I'm at home, and dad isn't here.....
Randomize
