wakey wakey hands off snakey
girl has like over 50 stars tattooed on her front, side and back. feels like i just fucked the universe.
she wrote "need hug!" on a sticky note, put it on her back, and passed out on his bed. they're trying to figure out how she got into his room...
He woke me up at 4am just to lick my nipple. Then he talked in his sleep for 20 minutes about the sex we just had. I think it's safe to say he's a weird one, but I dont care cuz he fucks like a champ.
u girls! girls! girls! have fun please don't hook up w/ a roadie! Love, mom
He said i looked like a shooting star sprawled out on the floor while i puked and i kept blaming "senor cuervo" for doing me dirty.
you kept looking at stripers and saying " Go to College"
Apparently I told the girl smoking was terrible for her, and then requested it in my mouth.
I need to stop ravaging the freshman dorm like a virginity-snatching dragon.
but I truly enjoy making out with my best friend more than my boyfriend
For a man with no legs he was surprisingly good at doggy style.
I don't know whether to high-five you or stage an intervention.
Are there rules against fucking your ex's dealer?
Now it's a thing. He's kind of a creeper and now he's lotioning me. This is going to turn into a Buffalo Bull situation.
I always knew ther was a reason why we're best friends
Obvs our love of drugs
I like to think of it more as our love of curiosity
As you were falling you yelled out, "save my burrito!" Priorities
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