Nothings more american than taking a shit with a handgun next to you.
Here's my recipe for happiness. Go get a pen. 1. smoke a bowl 2. put on explosions in the sky 3. take a bath. Do this for about 1 hour or until all your problems go away.
After you took the handle off the bathroom door I had to coach the Scottish guy sitting on the toilet, throwing up in his own lap, how to put his pants back on. Yes, I think he won the drinking game.
So I just tried to wake him up with a blow job and he literally touched the top of my head and said snooze button
just spent $80 on an im sorry breakfast from mcdonalds for everyone sleeping in my apartment for being a drunkass and locking everyone out of the apartment at 2am.
That's fun. I just masturbated and I swear my vagina creaked.
Yeah, sam & jessica were trying to have sex and you walked in & started coaching them through it with a fake hulk hogan mustache on.
Everything was yummy and fruit flavored and five alive and happymeas.
like every night i go out someone always suggests nipple hugs so that's why I always end up topless
No like he has curves. I remember thinking he had a nicer body than me
good news: smoking weed at school again, quality of life has improved drastically
Can we go to the gas station to get cigarettes before we get drunk. It's hard enough to say Marlboro sober.
We need to get fucked up again and play games like "save the tequila but dodge the knife"
I remember that. We went to taco bell looking for pizza.
I smell of tequila and Im going to a funeral. This is my life.
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