Just ate lunch with a paperclip again. Seriously, need to invest in plastic forks.
today is like waiting for pizza day in elementary school, but with sex added
So I'm seriously debating forwarding these sexts to his horse faced new gf including the ones that say he still loves me... but I still need his check to clear... decisions decisions
some guy i've known for a week sent me nudes saying "you're welcome" i need an award for this birthday
But fine, we can play that game. You can come over and we can have totally platonic, long, boring discussions. Or we can fuck. Whatever.
currently pooping in a public restroom while drinking free beer. there has never been a finer line between awesome and depressing.
Rub those nipples and moan like a platypus.
Jesus, are you hammered?
Hammered for that juicy ass. I'll bring the straws.
They installed a lotion dispenser in the bathroom at work... its like they want me to masturbate on the clock...
Next time I feel awkward in a situation I'm going to just yell "free bird!!!!" Like some redneck at lynyrd skynyrd show
Holy shit, I wanna ride him into the horizon.
It's a good thing he's hot, because it seemed like he was trying to do CPR on my private parts
But can mardi gras accurately capture the essence of my tiny rage?
It's like every time I'm baked I discover my fingers all over again.
Abby there's no shame in reading porn. It takes more work than watching I suppose
Im too stoned for my mom to be picking up hitch hikers. Help.
Randomize
