Everytime I think about NYE, my gag reflex kicks in.
Sex should be hot, sweaty, messy, and a little painful. At no point should it involve tiny rocks
Then we managed to set a grill and all 24lbs of meat on it on fire. I didn't help because I was filled with alcohol and extra flammable.
He told me I took off my shirt, asked for the latino thunder and jumped on him. I want to question this but it sounds too much like me.
I guess you don't remember pouring tequila in the dog bowl and slurping it.
Soooo how am i supposed to explain to my mom that i was admitted to the hospital but you kidnapped me within 20 minutes?
i just snorted adderall with my patient's rolled up EKG strip from our last clinical. nursing school has ruined me. thought you would appreciate this.
I'm starting to think you fell asleep on your kitchen floor pantless with salsa spilt around you
I started rolling down the window so he pulled into a gas station and i puked all over the side of the car while some dude stared at me. I waved and we drove away
In other news my cocaine dealer got arrested for heaving some kid out of a fourth story window.
Happy Birhtday!
Dad, it's 3am and it's not my birthday... wherever you are, go home
You know what? The sex was so bad that I don't even care that I gave him strep.
Woke up on my sisters couch, and it was like the start of a Terminator movie,my brother in law was passed out on the floor naked in the fetal position. We now call him Arnold. It was an epic night.
dude, i told you to rally, so you sprinted upstairs, knocked some girl down, and without missing a beat said, "not now bitch, im in the fucking zone" and took off
I've been on the cocaine and semen diet for the last 24 hours, lunch sounds great.
Randomize
