I wish my penis had an off switch
Is it sad that I'm on the stopduiaz.com website and there is a cute boy but it will never work between us because hes in jail for 17.5 years?
Um.. is it mean if I say yes?
How would my first penpal letter even go? "Hey saw you on stopduiaz.com, sucks you killed that motorcyclist. Whats your favorite thing to do on the weekend?"
My costume is made up of 4 inch heels and a firefighter costume I'm borrowing from the dramatic play area of my Pre-K classroom. I told you I could still be slutty on a teacher's salary.
Drinking gin at a party, riding a giant inflatable walrus all around the living room.
You went down on Rachel in front me last night. Worst. Brother. Ever.
Because I can't get laid, I'm day-drinking and hunting squirrels in the backyard. You can take the girl out of Montana...
I need to establish a pattern of dominance early.... I'm like a slutty Cesar Milan
I realized after pounding back 151 and head banging into each other to "the drop" of that dub step song, that we weren't meant to have boyfriends at this point in time.
Next time she asks for a ride to her "cousins" house and it turns out to be a booty call we're charging her for each mile.
Btw. Being a stripper for a week without anyone knowing to pay off my school loan is no longer in my agenda.
I'd rather blow Nickelback than be told he gave me gonorrhea. I'd even post it on Facebook for all of the world to like, share, and judge me.
We smoked bowls and watched Cops for what seemed like hours. And yet I know I'll go back.
I mean, you've had my nipples in your mouth now, so I think we've reached a certain level of friendship.
I was pretty pissed in the morning when I realized he had fucked the fake tattoo right off my chest.
You do realize last night you asked me if shampoo had an expiration date then cried for 15 mins when I told you it did
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