she woke up with a sticky ear
Her dad smelled like someone lit a fart and burned their ass hairs.
Driving with balloons in your car is more annoying than that bubble fart that doesn't leave your ass after your previous fart.
I'm at the bass pro shop. They have a river full of trout and turtles, a shooting range, a full bar, and the patriots cheerleaders are here. I now understand why people are rednecks. I may never leave
doing a bong hit while wearing crest white strips...not such a great idea...
Should study in library more often, procrasturbating is less of an option.
he made a joke about you fucking his daughter...i think youre golden
I blacked out, started puking and peed on the guy I was hooking up with. Mid hand job.
How old are you? 14? Who gives hand jobs anymore?
Salt in an open wound right now.
Ia nefed hefelkp i am a taxi
Mark is going to get hypothermia. he is shirtless eating snow bc he "doesnt want to be dehydrated" tomorrow. youre in charge.
Somewhere between catching the stove on fire and not being aware of it being on fire while I'm in the living room. I drank too much.
The air was thick with penises
Masturbated furiously for a half hour; ate a fistful of chocolate, then took a nap. Woke up and finished wrapping presents. I've got this holiday thing down.
He got up after sex and said "is it wrong if I say happy Mother's Day?"
Do I have to cook for the potluck? Can I just bring a costco size bottle of Vodka?
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