Friends don't let friends talk to people who live in Orlando. Sorry I've failed you.
U sang "shots, shots, shots" then walked 2 ur top drawer and threw socks everywhere singin "SOCKS, SOCKS, SOCKS!"
I hated hipsters before it was mainstream.
Jason and steven are boiling shrimp in the microwave again
I just met his other fuck buddy...I am thinking of befriending her just to fuck with him...manuplating my roommates into hating each other is boring me i need something else to do
he said verbatim, he wants to "bang you hard".
Yes he was puking but in the only light of the whole parking lot and he was resting in the patch of clovers and he just was a garden fairy
The only thing you accomplished yesterday was dry humping me on the floor of my work place WHILE I was working.
Also, my aunt grabbed my phone and downloaded the scriptures. Apparently I need Jesus.
we broke the bed, curtan rods, a dresser drawer, and unless I didn't notice it before, we put a hole in the wall. This is why he and I have to fuck in motels.
no body wants to do anything today cause it's too cold, but a guy can only masturbate so many times a day. Ya know
I am still awake. And let me sing you the song of my people. Ahem. "I have a bottle of hydrocodone and you all can fuck off."
He's so in love with you that you could fuck a blood relative and he'd be like "I just want you to be happy"
My ex's psycho new girlfriend found my vibrator I forgot at his place. Apparently she didn't find it as funny as I did. 😂
just saw two eagle scouts making out in chic-fil-a
Randomize
