Someone in my history class just FB messaged me saying they highly suggest I put my sunglasses on. He is sitting 18 rows in front of me...
Also, I just saw a woman change into her stripper outfit in the bathroom at Target.
I'm sorry that spending new years with you was fucking my boyfriend in your bathroom multiple times
So when you said you wanted to make a clay replica of my boobs and hang it above your bed you actually meant it?
All these girls I talk to are like I've never had a hangover and I'm like you don't drink right here let me show you
how do you not remember that?! you winked at the bouncer and then proceeded to grind on him while chugging a beer. i don't know if i should be proud or embarrassed to be your friend
I'd rather blow Nickelback than be told he gave me gonorrhea. I'd even post it on Facebook for all of the world to like, share, and judge me.
The funny part was that the cop pulled us over cause the park was closed, not because I had just come up from giving the guy a blowjob when the cop drove by.
i woke up with 5 inch heels locked on my feet and my car keys missing. this is gonna be an interesting walk home
Is it completely inappropriate to base my morning after pill purchase on if they sell coffee or not?
How many hotdogs are you going to eat today?
THE LIMIT DOES NOT EXIST.
Looks like I accidentally stole two of your beers and left my pants at your place.
How did you leave without pants?
Sooooo drunk. We had the best sex ever and after he looked at me and said "That's whats up". I looked at him weird and he said "Young Jeezy would say it" and passed out on me naked. I think i might be in love
He howled at the moon then told me that if i were a dog he'd have sex with me...either i look like that girl or i need to stop going on blind dates. Period.
I deserve a medal for being woke up at 6am on my day off by your mother asking where your brother is
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