I was the only open register tonight and I just sold condoms and chocolate frosting to the ex..
oh no, im for sure still drunk. i wana eat evrything in the fancy feast commercial... everything
Rent Disney Oceans. Smoke a bowl. Fast forward to the seal section. Then call me.
I sent her 8 pictures of my dick in a baked potato. Not sure how I thought that would get me laid later.
Drunk at work, covered in Cheetos is no way to go through life.
I found Cheetos.
Thought I was doing makeup today for a photo shoot for a short film. WRONG. Try I'm on the set for a Fucking Sci-Fi PORN.
He looks like he was the one that always had koolaid stains around his mouth as a kid, he can fuck off.
I never forget a pussy, even blackout me gives me that memory.
The only thing about him that I appreciated was that he destroyed the bathroom at your birthday and missed singing to you. And we all knew.
I just googled, "what type of cured meat does my face taste like", and one of the top results was, "The Definitive Guide to Bacon." I couldn't make this up if I tried.
Nice. Ask if they watched saved by the bell. yes=legal. No=jailbait
Just found $31 in my desk drawer. In $1's. WTF happened last night?!
Also I like oatmeal more than sex.
That sounds good. I'd totally blow you somewhere quick but im not in the frame of mind to think of a place
Be outside in 5
I often wonder if we’re introverted extroverts, but I don’t think so. I think we’re just easily tired scumbags
Randomize
