My mom came into my room and told me to flip off the tv. I gave it the middle finger. Note to self: STOP SMOKING THIS SHIT
You also had the stripper slap the shit out of me for not having any money....remember that?
She was sleeping without a shirt so I thought I wouldI sneaked a peek at her nipples..than I realized they were just warts...on her back.
She's like a coupon for free blow jobs. No purchase necessary.
I'm not a pervert.. I just like to be naked...
We have sex, then we talk about foreign policy. Its a win-win.
That is the best grammar in a dirty text ever. Excellent use of the semi-colon. And yes; I am hard.
My feelings are currently in a sea of vodka and "I don't give a shit"
Aren't they always?
The only thing I accomplished today was naming the bag of wine I've been drinking
No if my life depended on you fingering me just let me die
I just flicked a lizard out of the window with a bud light in one hand and spatula inthe other...dont tell me you dont miss the south
Definitely just realized I wore a shirt that says "building leaders for Christ" to a hookup. Roll tide.
I can't trust your balls anymore.
I can feel the shame as I walk down your hallway.. good night
You just kept yelling GET YOUR SKATES ON, BITCHES. WE'RE GOING STREAKING.
Randomize
