I want to do you till i cant cum anymore. Till all i get is a little flag that says "bang".
it's like i can feel the ghost of his dick still inside me
So many people have lost their virginity on my futon... I think it is only the right thing to bronze it and put it on display
i took it, then realized you live 3 ours away. but if you start driving now, im almost positive I'll still be hard
You cleaned out the gashes in your leg from hopping that fence with that whipped cream vodka, didnt you?
I got us chalkboard mugs. Now whoever comes home with us can feel comfortable in the morning! I am too considerate to my one-night stands...
All the party invite said was a date and "21 to drink, 18ish to sleep over"
I'm going to write a horror movie. It's going to be called "Fat People on a Squeaky Bed" and it's going to feature me laying in bed last night listening to my overweight roommate and her fat boyfriend tossing and turning all night
He talked for 3 hours straight on how his dad is a dentist how fuck do you think my night was
He sent me a 2am email the just said "Ping". Nerdiest booty call ever.
He literally just made me hold his dick while he peed cause he wanted to know if I could aim as good as him
This feels more like a conference of all the people I've fucked in the past year.
Let he who has not made drunken spaghetti at 3 a.m. cast the first stone.
He KNOWS ALL THE WORDS TO "JESUS IS MY FRIEND", I swear if he even tries to pull shit with me I'm becoming an actual nun.
I can’t believe you’re letting her use the Mercedes
It seemed like a better idea while she was giving me a hand job. It’s a good thing we weren’t having sex. Who knows what I would agree to during sex
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