I thought she had blonde hair
No, Gonorrhea actually
no. i seriously look so gross with this sunburn. i wouldnt even wanna bang myself. and im really into myself.
the line for where the wild things are looks like radiohead had sex with an urban outfitters
Highlight of my evening, pile of books falling onto me in front of people
Was that picture taken before or after I supposedly punched him in the face?
Irrelevant. Does he have queso? That's the real question.
Can we please get on skype for like 20 seconds so i can show you my penis and the spiderman temporary tattoo that is right above it
You called me at 3 am and I rode my flat ass bike that I dug out of my garage in the dark to meet you at dunkin donuts for a 10 minute convo about your mother and you didn't drive me home.
you owe me a blunt and a bottle of moscato.
IM WAITING BITCH. ANSWER ME.
Yeah! I was just fired because there was an over hire and the new girl is hotter than me. Seeing as how the new girl is my baby sister I think punching my manager is excusable.
He's interpretive dancing to Crazy by Britney Spears and expressing his feelings for either me or the guy next to us
We have moved from phase 1: honeymoon, to phase 2: trapped in relationship until the cold embrace of death
I woke up on the green space outside our dorm cradling a watermelon and sucking my thumb. College is crazy man.
I ended up sleeping on a park bench. Never using Tinder again.
I'm dangerously close to tossing this whole "morals" bullshit and swan-diving into the fuckboy lifestyle.
we're at the bar celebrating my ex bootycall getting his new gf pregnant... and me narrowly escaping a future as kitty foreman
Randomize
