and apparently i was drunk enough to follow up with "I'd let me touch your boobs" ... not my best line.
thanks for showing me a good time......and your penis a few times. Thanks especially for that.
Everytime I see a couple on campus walking and holding hands I just want to yell he's gonna lie!
Definitely just said "no homo" to our gay waiter at Cheesecake Factory...our service has steadily declined since.
yea im pretty sure it has something do with my love of forearms...
I never thought I'd say this but my vagina is taking a serious break for awhile
Seriously? What part of meeting at Oktoberfest while I'm wearing a dirndl, double fisting, and making out with random guys screams "i'm girlfriend material"?!
It took him an hour to realize I wasn't this "Sarah" girl, and by then he was already crying and eating pizza rolls.
In case you're keeping score at home, this is Brad's SECOND Doritos-related trip to the ER.
We should drive around in your Jeep on snow days and get stoned while we help random strangers stuck in the snow. So much good karma.
You are my mentor.
I drank wine out of a protein shake bottle last night. You may want to rethink that statement.
I was carrying around a bottle of Jameson yelling rescue me
You said "this is only my eighth drink" with like 6 separate drinks
So basically he is jobless, a potential serial killer, and has poor taste in music? We simply don't have time for that.
You asked me how red your eyes were... they were shut.
Randomize
