so I woke up and found tortilla in my belly button
So the waitress at the Chinese Buffet totally just said "Adios" to a Hispanic couple. There's something you don't see every day.
she said she'd blow me if I bought one of her sorority raffle tickets. Goddamn it's gettin easy
I was hidding Easter eggs in CHURCH this morning when one of the older men came up to me and said "I always knew you'd be a bunny just not the Easter kind" ... Our congregation obviously has high hopes for their pastor's daighter
Satisfying Perfect Camera Moments
i have learned 4:30 is too early to start pregamming for the midnight harry potter
Is it possible to have pulled a muscle in my neck from passing out with my head in a bucket?
We're gonna have horrible, horrible babies.
Found a fruit roll up in my pocket this morning. This means my daughter has a peach blunt wrap in her lunchbox.
I am just going to stick my boobs out and hope for the best
This Dog Travel Carrier is a Must
Please come home, i don't want to feel like basket garbage girl but I'm in your alleyway and not sure how to change that.
I lost my flask somewhere between dancing shirtless to The Spice Girls and walking around Wawa opening/eating things and putting them back.
these are times I'm glad I'm Jewish because the Torah is just like "drink, eat, and fuck"
I just woke up in my locked bathroom. It's 5 PM. What happened?
Help everyone's hot
Men are hot women are hot non-binary people are hot aliens are hot
You can't give me tequila around boys who have girlfriends. That ain't new.