I will come over but only if I don't have to take my sunglasses off for it
can we please take bets on how much therapy you'll need in the future?
All was going smooth until he pulled a condom out of his collection he kept in a Cheesy Gordita Crunch Box from Taco Bell.
The stripper on stage Is eating a mozzarella stick while on the pole....that's a new level of I don't give a fuck
Mom just Facebook checked into an Applebees at 2am. Caption: ''WITH THE BESTIEZ.''
I cant believe they held hands while getting simultaneous bjs
he was once again the drunkest girl at the party
Fuck you come back. The old guy next to me is complementing me on my great choice of ring fingers,
You had one beer and one beer can full of vodka and you took a huge gulp of one of them and called it Emily Roulette
Oh fuck, I messaged a Jack Kerouac poem to a girl I'm trying to sleep with last night at 4am.
Aren't you proud to know somebody who texts you "manifold facade" while dumping frozen colada mix into a blender of rum
I just saw a guy in a hazmat suit riding a tractor.
Kids parked next to me are getting it on. I'm eating chicken nuggets listening to Kanye alone. Happy Valentine's Day.
I'm watching Trainwreck with Jeff and realizing that I'm the John Cena in my relationship.
I'm not fucking you with a Stormtrooper helmet on!
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