In a bar in glasgow talking to a 12 year old about life. Welcome to Kentucky.
NEWS FLASH: A bottle of wine can fit into a taco bell cup.
it's official, i know exactly what cross streets we're at by the bumps when i give him road head
She just told me she blew the waiter in the bathroom. Should I still leave a tip?
10 Things Your Gyno Wants You To Stop Doing To Your Vagina
We carried on a casual conversation about plants while I gave him a hand job.
I was all over the place but at every locale you would pop out of nowhere and hand me a huge drink and say "HAMMERED"
I am the fairy godmother of the drink.
I had not one but two drunk coworkers text me and hit on me tonight. I feel like I've finally been accepted into my dysfunctional workplace
You know you are 86'd from the legacy right? You can't down shots then spike the shot glass
So yeah, don't be alarmed when you come home after work to find me eating cookie dough out of a margarita glass with a knife and watching The Little Mermaid. It's been one of those days.
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I mean your new thing is losing body parts and feeling colors so its not like we are hurting for entertainment
Of course I'll be there. I never miss an opportunity to smell like cigarettes, cheap beer, and shame.
currently buying a pregnancy test while braless so happy november to you too
I climbed out of the shower to him sitting on the floor trimming his pubes with nail clippers, we both just started laughing at how drunk we were
You puked on yourself, then demanded to take shower. In which you kept saying "its raining"
Happy anniversary, did you sign and mail in the divorce papers yet?