I have a client coming in and there's a note that says she wants her hair to like Elisabeth Hasselback's from the view
that's Oklahoma for you
she had the hairiest bush ive ever seen. it looked like a spoiled head of lettuce.
walked into the kitchen nd asked my mom what smells like tuna she replies" your sister" now i cant eat tuna...EVER!!!
Just made a coke joke and literally drooled on myself. How do we feel about pavlov's theory of conditioning now?
id pay someone 5 dollars to tell me whos house im at right now. comfy couch though
So there's dick imprints in the peanut butter
I passed out on my porch last night. I'm still making it to class. This is what growing up means.
This whole bra on the outside of my shirt thing is so convenient. It turns my shirt into a pocket to eat Fritos out of. Mmm boobies
Next Halloween, remind me to find a different wingman. Walking out in your pirate costume talking like Captain Ahab while i was banging her and telling me I had to harpoon the white whale really pissed her off.
Just got my stitches out.. Now I can give a proper hand job
Honestly, it's his loss. He went for the free sample when he could've gotten the whole package, babes.
does that make me the free sample at the grocery store he didn't like enough to buy...? yeah, that advice didn't help, but thanks.
Thats alot of pressure.
Just on your vagina. BTW I'm passing your house.
Being sober is boring. Tomorrow I'm def bringing wine and my vibrator to work. Might even booty call that hot guy on floor 5. Making the last week at this job legendary.
I'm happy I peed in your laundry basket last night
Learn from my mistakes. DO NOT try to steam a garment of clothing while you are wearing it. The burn is not worth the de-wrinkle.
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