I got everything I ever gave her back, every picture, and money for the dog. I didn't want it she brought it all back and gave it to me. clothes jackets, pictures, dried flowers, ear rings, necklace...
Sell it on ebay and let's go to the bar
I'm surrounded by dudes and fupa's! No hot chicks...wtf!?
Medical industry, most hot chicks dont want to deal with blood + shit
Can we please just celebrate being alive this far into the school year and just get drunk?
If your wondering where your blanket is, I put it on the 2 guys you brought home last night. Their still sleeping outside on the trampoline.
he came in the shower with me...i thought it was going to be nice and romantic...until he started peeing on my leg.
You should really trust me on this one. "hit it and quit it" might not be the best career move on your part...
I just sneezed weed. Kinda wanna try to smoke it.
Do you know anyone with a stuffed cougar? I want one for a self portrait to hang in my house. A bobcat or lynx might work too.
pssssst. you dropped everyone else off and forgot about me. im in the backseat of your car still. can you please come back outside and either let me out or take me home?
The beer bottle was sticking out of your zipper and you shook it onto unsuspecting patrons
Packing for college has become a game of where did I hide my sex toys.
He smells like ham and a lifetime of poor choices
Pussy, Peanut Butter Cookies,and Bubble Wrap
I'm disgusted with myself. Who goes down on their Uber driver? This asshole
Ugh. I need to go to the store, but I'm too lazy. Whatever shall I do? That girls still passed out. I should steal her car
Randomize
