I think I tried picking up these girls last night by asking them what their favorite color was...I obviously woke up alone
At best buy, little boy just crawled into my stall while i was taking a shit
Stop staring at my boobs, I can't concentrate
Well how do you think I feel
fair enough
I replied to the university automated mass text about the armed robbery at the on-campus Starbucks with a sad face. Basically sums up my night.
His apartment number was 69. I had to.
I've never felt so inclined to grow a dick. THIS is what the gays in this town have done to me
did you know that my friend knows a guy with 3 balls what the actual fuck
Been awake for 50 some odd hours. I've discovered I can spew out maaaad papers whilst coked out of my face. My roommates probably think I'm dead. Money well spent. You?
My mother just made an innapropriate gesture with a cucumber while grocery shopping at whole foods... Then she said "bitches love cucumbers" and all this time i thought i was adopted
Sorry I couldn't reference you in my facebook quote. I will redirect any likes and comments straight to my blowjob efforts this week.
She's cool and all but if she eats my food again I'm gonna fucking drop kick her ass. No one touches my lunchables. NO ONE.
I think I just pulled an onion peel off my boob from sleeping on their kitchen floor
She used my 100 Ways To Cope With Stress handout to wipe puke off her face
I told you that you should stop drinking and you responded "Thanks for telling me how to live, North Korea!"
So i dislocated my knee but still went home and fucked his brains out. Nothing gets in the way of my sex life. NOTHING.
Randomize
