I can't disclose who, but one time I called someone, they didn't pick up, and immediately texted back 'will call later, masturbating'
I thought that was really considerate
i don't know her name but she is cooking me brkfst then helpin me find my car.
she hot?
i don't wanna talk about it
I fucking hate vegan toaster pastries. You don't fuck with poptarts. It's like baseball...it's the backbone of american sport and you don't change it. Poptarts are the backbone of american fatasses and you don't just go changing them.
Call me pathetic, but saying "tits for ireland" is working out really well on chatroulette today.
sweet and enthusiastic is code for tiny dick.
I believe nudity is frowned upon at that establishment
New brilliant plan: invite two random okcupid girls to the same bar at the same time, have them compete
She's barefoot and topless screaming "HERE KITTY-KITTY" at a stray cat in the ditch on the side of the highway. How do I get her back in the car?
He's scared I want a relationship? How does texting him at three am and sleeping with four of my exes symbolize that?
He picked me up in the very car he devirginized me in, his moms toyota.
I fell asleep in the tanning bed, naked, for an hour and a half and I guess they couldn't wake me up so they called the fire department...and they came in while I was passed out naked...
We were still up at 6am, taking shots, because thats apparently how he liked to "get the day started".
I wonder how drunk we can get before Christmas Caroling turns into trespassing.
When we became besties with benefits we agreed I could still get dick
I didn't think I'd have to specify "not my Dad"
It was like a single vaginal boat in a sea of one eyed monsters
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