Don't forget I'm 20 now
I liked you more when you were 19
The sky will open, cue choir of angels: "oh! wow! Matt was right! Not only will I grow out my bush, but I'm going to date straight, available men!"
Relationship's official after skype sex--college kid at his finest.
I don't know if it was the room or her, but as soon as the pants came off, it smelt like a locker room and old man farts.
Some guy stole lobsters by hiding them in his pants. We should strive to be like him.
It was less of a bar, and more of an abandoned basement that some people sell booze in.
I SMOKED SO MUCH I SKIPPED A DAY.
well his attempt to make a white russian with instant coffee, gone off milk, and that weird probably illegal vodka we bought the other day isnt going well
Why do I think he'd like to keep my hair in a box?
You were cuddling with an eight iron and I was eating a fajita completely ignoring your presence.
Please don't throw the wedding bouquet at me
You okay? Last night you climbed through my window and demanded I take shots with you and when I refused you took a piss in my front yard.
that's your fault. you refused to take shots with me.
First he fixed my gutter. Then he flogged me and fucked me. Then he bought me a new vacuum cleaner. I don't understand Daddy Dom stuff but I ain't mad at it.
I also told the bartender he probably had a beautiful spleen
And then he served me a piece of a brownie on his dick. It tasted amazing. Such a good night!
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