she went to pee and i could hear her singing "Drip Drip Drop LIttle April Showers" from Bambi through the door.
she carries around a jar of peanut butter. "just in case".
I feel like I could be a daytime drinking legend, like they could put that shit on my tombstone and right now your preventing me from reaching my full potential
Why does he only make me orgasm when I'm about to break up with him?
Not only was there cake on the wall but someone shoved cake and meat in a cup and put it in the fridge.
All I've eaten today is cookie dough, pecan pie and three shots of jack. Finals week here I come.
Well you finally jumped into that tree you've always wanted into and some girl gave you an 8.5. You were very happy.
He referred to our sex as being similar to "Two cheetahs cage fighting" and I have to agree.
He sent me a snapchat of himself growing a double chin. I think we're past the stage where there's any risk of us sleeping together. Ever.
Pencil dick carries the name proudly.
EMERGENCY FRIEND CRISIS: WE HAVE TOO MUCH WHISKEY. ABORT HANGING OUT WITH MELISSA, RECOMMEND TO HANG OUT WITH OUR WHISKEY INSTEAD
Our first time hooking up was on New Years and we've managed to hook up every holiday since, I'm hoping this lasts until 2016 just to fulfill my American Holiday sex fantasy I never knew I had
Stop fucking Sharon's exes.
Sorry it took me so long to reply. I was fucking Sharon's ex.
There is a couple fucking in the outback bathroom and at first I thought it was sick but than I remembered my Outback fantasy with you and decided I can't pass judgements.
The walk of shame was so much longer today. i have to start fucking guys in my own postcode.
Randomize
