He is fucking rediculously sexy. DO HIM NOW. NOW. NOW. NOW.
Just got my period. I'm not pregnant with Scott's child and I won't be having any sex tonight. This must be what they mean by bittersweet.
Most the numbers in my phone are mistakes. It's a virtual graveyard of people I should never pick up for.
was i strangled at any point last night? or was his dick just that long
This is amazing. I can pinpoint the window in time that you lost all sanity.
He told me that if I were a guy he'd go gay for me. Honestly don't know how to take that.
A little boy in a bathroom stall just shouted "mom where's your penis?? Is it inside you?"
I think he's holding my wallet hostage because I puked in his car. It's not my fault he has child locks on his windows..
How does one un superglue their foot to the floor
The dick pic bandit just sent me a poem about showering..
Getting paid in weed to watch a pregnant adult with cooking skills is the TITS
I feel like hooking up with you on my floor, sneaking out my window and jumping a fence is an effort that deserves a happy birthday.
There are flour footprints all over the house. Either u guys are trying to pull that Paranormal Activity shit on me again, or u got drunk and tried to make pancakes.
At one point I believe I was despencing medical advice while wearing a sombrero and a hulk hand
I can barely operate my hands; what makes you think I can operate my dick
Randomize
