I just walked in on my dad looking at porn. is there protocol for this?
zippers are such a cool invention
Even though he is humpbacked he is really good in bed.
We uncovered another pile of vomit after you left. And i am not talking about the one in the vase
Fell down a spiral staircase. Et tu vodka. Et tu.
i have this gut feeling friday is going to be interesting.\nAnd by interesting I mean I feel like im going to get punched in the face by his girlfriend.
Hahah fuuuck, bag pipers played around me while I threw up. Literally
Hey, just wanted to let you know that University Police stopped by and repossessed the stolen laundry basket. And the 8 bottles of detergent.
I'm pretty sure at any given moment you could wring out my liver and get a couple of shots of jäger.
Found my bike today. On top of the garage. I'm not even going to ask myself why.
Im going to bed. I'm seeing 7 of everything and my world smells like gravy
Hold on... Are we having an intellectual conversation about porn?
Yup
I love us.
OMG I COULD FUCK HIM FOR POT, THIS CHANGES THE WHOLE GAME.
You can't break up with me. I brought you to see Beyoncé.
I have chicken nuggets, lube and brand new batteries, he can stay at work charting all weekend for all I care, I'm set.
Randomize
