So I don't think its herpes anymore. Could be a sign of diabetes though. Is it bad that I consider getting diabetes 'dodging a bullet'?
btw, her name was actually Alixx. in retrospect, it was pretty much a gimme
They called security on the security guard who tried to break up the party in their suite. You tell me how drunk they were.
I'm using the size of your dick as a guage to see how big something is on Amazon. Any questions?
Im doing shots of vodka in the bathroom covered in pillows.
Tornado warnings are fun!
It's official drugs can't kill me
He made me meet him in the baby department of walmart where he was waiting with his pregnant girlfriend. Time for a new dealer
its not you its me. and by that i mean i am more interested in having random one night stands with random hot girls then having the same normal sex with u.
I don't know if it has occurred to you yet, but you are dating a nymphomaniac, and your work schedule is an interference of my needs being fulfilled. Get home now.
So apparently after I spilled candle wax down the front of my pants, I went to the store, bought condoms, and passed them out to everyone at the bar.
I thought they were lying to me about the condoms, until I found the receipt in my pocket.
For future reference.... When you take a beer out of a 6pack... You don't insert your phone as a substitute.
Drowning in science and also vodka. Hope you're having fun.
Pulling on my sock literally just took me 5 minutes.. The hangover is real
Got really high to see my fist college experience unfold. Too high to find my classroom but I found the McDonald's down the street
You’re better off without him. Actually, he’s better off without you and that’s what really matters
Randomize
