Bad news is im a slut again. Good news is its with people ive been a slut with before.
I just had someone call me out on a walk of shame via megaphone
Maryland truck stops are full of people with killer mustaches
thanks for singing to me while i puked last night
Bring your kids so they can distract our kids so we can drink beer in peace.
i woke up with "only hugh can prevent florist friars" written up my arm ... i need to know what we did last night
I'd say this is worse than that time when I realized that my favorite bath toy growing up was my Mom's douche bottle.
Sorry i'm not sorry i made out with your dad. It was father's day weekend, get a grip
I wish I could like. Pull my liver out, and put it in the corner of a boxing ring, put a towel and ice on it, rub it's shoulders, and tell it to "get back in there, you got this!".
I can't wait for paintbang. I'm going to throw a marker at a child. There will be bail money in my backpack in m trunk. Don't use it on beer.
I plan on being naked for at least 2/3 of the wedding.
There's a girl in the bathroom crying about something having to do with cream cheese.
I will never understand why the dress to get laid party is always scheduled to be during family weekend. Its not even ironically funny.
Some people dream of being astronauts others dream of having genitalia that shines like Edward Cullen in the sun
You guys had reggaeton music playing while dry humping? Definition of romance.
Randomize
