NEWSFLASH - my freind is drunk and admitted that he hates having sex with dogs. should i help him or let him be??
He also left me a wonderful voice mail..... and is now asking me where the planters peanut guy is.
You should probably go find him.
you were going around the whole club telling people to smell ur purse
Speaking of school, I've done the math and I get laid about 10 times more often than I did before I got my law degree. $100,000 well spent.
the dude from the bar called to tell his mom about me immediately after we finished PLEASE COME GET ME
I'm at the grocery store buying monistat and corn nuts. thank god for self check out.
Count me out. I seem to have semen induced blindness in one eye.
I just found a GIANT thermos of sangria in my sink. I don't know if its still good to drink, but its good to drink.
Made out with a girl in a wheelchair and rode her around while I was blackout. On a new level.
I was dressed as bob Ross as this occurred
Don't feel bad, we're professionals and we just housed burgers in burger king singing I believe I can fly
My Grandma made me promise not to drink more beer, so I'm chugging wine.
Highlight of the week: I had sex with a B movie star wearing an eye patch.
Just wanted you to know two things, 1st I sent the second thing to a broad ive been talking too. 2nd that was not just a fart.
I remember doing shots of gin, then I have this strange memory of us making out in the womens room at waffle house.
I regret none of it.
What did the sign say that bob stapled to his ass?
Is it weird to befriend your older alcoholic landlords?
Randomize
