So I got my period. Finally. In related news, I reinstated my belief in God.
I cut holes in my blanket and put my arms through it. It's the sleeveless "Bro Edition" Snuggie.
Just took career test that listed librarian and bartender as top career choices. Fascinating.
i just learned how to squirt via google. life is good.
It just sucks seeing everyone get flowers but me...
yeah, but they die. it takes a while, but they die. just like all of these kids relationships will. tequila doesnt die. its a live in the moment thing... like a valentines day one night stand. so long run, tequila is the better gift.
I am standing at the lion i publicly humped last night. i am mortified.
he obviously didn't care that i was sleeping and dreaming about ellen degeneres knitting me a christmas sweater.
you're not a real person. you're actually just like a box of wine that can talk
his roommates said i can move in if i promise to only drink tequila the rest of the semester. challenge accepted.
Let's just say a refrigerator got involved and after that I had to send him home.
Good thing I took the morning after pill cuz I pretty much had packaged seamen in me like I was a squirrel saving it for later or something
Is "I want you to destroy my insides" too forward?
Is it sad to eat a candy bra by yourself?
Your mom has reinvented the use of a ping pong ball.
that's the second time my extensive knowledge of taylor swift has gotten me laid
Randomize
