Well I think that's a good thing that I'm not full of someone else.
I ran out of diet so I'm mixing captain with a juice box. Being a mom has finally paid off.
They threw a beer at you on stage and then you stopped the karaoke and cussed everyone in the bar out for 2 minutes
i knew it was time to break up with him once he pulled out the Halo foreplay costumes
I'm picking out a half way decent top so if I get arrested I'll have a respectable mug shot photo. Always be prepared.
I pulled my tongue muscle last night. your welcome.
I haven't seen him since I gave him a hand job in the hospital. I like to think I contributed to his speedy recovery.
I asked her why she named her vibrator Lorenzo and said it was the name she started screaming her first time.
I'm closer to stabbing a fork in my neck than finishing this resume.
why does CNN give a flying $@*# about the royal baby so, so much?
i hope they name him Joffrey
He complimented the perfect handprints you left on each of my ass cheeks.Thanks.
You are talking to me during sexting hours. Be careful, innuendos are taken seriously
just discovered a semi frightening wound on the side of my head that must have happened last night. if i die of a brain aneurysm, make sure they put "sorry for partying" on my gravestone.
what do u think we would be doing right now if we were together
Urinating on unicorns
Almost gave the delivery guy a 34 dollar tip. That high
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