I woke up fully clothed on top of my sheets and i didnt even pee myself..so proud.
TXT her NOW! The phone is actually IN her Va-Jay-Jay!!
Vibrating panties would be amazing during this conversation!
I got "discovered a new religion high" last night
I have now ridden the bus with a ninja, a samurai and Jesus. Who says the bus is for losers.
I don't know where my bra went.
Welll you ran into the street, took it off and yelled "I'm a free woman!". And then you threw it at some homeless guy.
I mean I gotta puke to be skinny, wax to be hairless, and drink to be fun. Life isn't easy.
the fact that you could barely do more than slur incoherent sentences didn't stop you from correcting her grammar
So I just saw Jonah Hill at LAX and decided my fat fetish is back
You should go to counseling for that
I just came so hard there were tears. Actual tears.
"Douchebag of the Year" award goes to the guy who didn't reply to the picture of my tits.
You can't break up with me. I brought you to see Beyoncé.
I've officially slept with/dated two guys that have gotten tased. What the fuck is wrong with me
He finished and he wasn't even totally hard. He actually came without a boner.
HOW IS THAT EVEN POSSIBLE.
Just showered and cleaned every bit of sex off of me cuz i have a feelin my stepmom has jesus powers and would be able to smell it on me
Randomize
