I just had sex in the back of an ambulance. Call me.
Dating is not our generation's strong point. We're an era that's good at getting laid.
so this carnie looked at me and said "the ride in my pants is funner." i wet myself.
There's a girl sitting in front of me making a PowerPoint on Jack Bauer.
We raised our shot glasses and you screamed out "TO MY DAD FINALLY GOING TO REHAB!"
we tried to steer you away from them but you just kept yelling 'i need dick' and going back. sorry.
but you don't have to sleep on top of four different cum stains because you'd rather buy a case of Franzia than spend $3.50 in the student laundry room
just saw someone climb out of the dumpster at cvs and start walking down the street like it was completely normal
So I managed to get the bitch who has been copying off me all semester in History to copy the names of Pokemon towns off my test.
Just realized ive been sitting through all of lab with a condom in my bra.
yay hump day
Drunk in burger king. Having it our way. Free fries. M&m sundaes.
No no don't get confused. We do chemistry homework on Thursdays. We screw on Fridays. Other than that, Words With Friends is our only communication five days a week. We are NOT dating.
It was so cute that he apologized for getting cum on my couch. If he realized how many guys had cum on that couch in the past year, he wouldn't have touched my vagina with a 10-ft pole.
Shhhh less advice, more soothing words and dirty phrases
GOD DAMN IT I COULD HAVE HAD A MOTHERFUCKING 3 WAY LAST NIGHT. WHY BOOZE, WHY?!
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