I faked an abortion last night.
can't make this up: he's writing lyrics for the musical reenactment of how he met her @ an anime convention to perform at their wedding. yes, there'll also be dance routines involved.
there are casual beer cans in all of the public trashes, i belong here
I woke up to a full mcdonalds meal being shoved in my face. Mom mustve noticed the empty tequila bottle. I love family.
You gotta buy me dinner first. Or smoke me out. Both are equally chivalrous
Pizza rolls are incredible. They are like sex, except I have them sometimes
The inside of my nose has felt like the guy's face falling off from raiders of the lost ark all week
I just smoked by myself in my childhood bedroom, how happy does it seem I am to be home for Christmas?
did i just see you in the movie theater carrying a margarita into Frozen?
All the 6 year olds are jealous of my alcohol
I love you but I don't want to see you naked.
Pretty sure I love my nipple piercing more than I'll love my children someday
There needs to be a greeting card for "I miss having sex and smoking weed with you."
I never thought I would encounter a situation that was "Too Gay" for me...and yet there I was.
That was my first party and they were so suprised that this little freshman girl was a FUCKING BEER PONG QUEEN.
Ok, there are marshmallows shaped like elephants
Randomize
