Why. Ill be the rabbit if ull be the carrot.
I bought a boat. Want to have sex on The Angry Clam? That's what I named it.
She was drunk and kept trying to talk while I was in her mouth. It sounded like the teacher from a Charlie Brown cartoon!
were with a gay guy with a minnesota accent. think about how funny that sounds.
There is a distinct lack of front teeth here.
Way too hungover to be taking this many family pictures
When black out puking doesn't involve crying and promises to never get drunk again... to just a subtle, 'excuse me while I go vomit in the bathroom of this bar'.. you know you've finally grown up.
Also pencil in smooth jazz and illegal activities. The usual.
i climbed out of the bath tub this morning and found him taped to the treadmill
Just spent the last 5 minutes laughing at my epipen. i think i'm too high.
its kind of scaring me that i am turned on by tom cruise in rock of ages
I should be free tonight unless my 5 speed vibrator arrives in the mail today, than we might have scheduling conflicts.
So he apologized for peeing on my floor.. then we fucked all night.
Real classy
Oh, do you remember telling everyone you were with that your vagina was angry last night?
FUCK ME I smuggled weed onto a plane by accident
Randomize
