Grossest hangover story of 09: Puked in the bathtub. I was in it.
Oh fyi, I gave your card to a homeless guy last night and told him you were the world's hottest blonde girl who only likes black men...Sorry
he just put it in my mouth and said "go"
hey as creepy as this sounds i still have your eyelashes on my desk
If Amber from Teen Mom can get a new boyfriend, so can I.
Just had a flashback of you announcing "your nipples aren't that big for the size of your boobs, I've seen them"
I just had a vision of confetti exploding out of someone's vagina to the sound of air horns... I think that would be welcoming.
I like the way you think.
It is a special kind of bonus when you find money you hid from yourself when you were drunk in the tampon box. What did we do last period?
No but I was fuckin done when I realized my acrylic nail caught fire when I was hitting the bong.
Hi, my name is Ashslay and I'll be your designated shitshow.
Lol I wish they went straight to your cock then shot out into my mouth like a cock nacho dispenser
If I had an Australian accent I'd be unstoppable. Teach me how you talk
I had to fake it. He was punching my vagina like it owed him money and enough was enough.
Remember that time we were together? Yeah, I don't miss that.
Fuck this pandemic. She grabbed the hand sanitizer instead of the hand lotion while giving me a hand job and now my dick is burning and scrotum are on fire
A hand job? Are you 12?
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