Facebook lets you pick usernames now. You'd better log on and get yours before homewreckingwhore is taken...
i can smell the iron from margo's period blood from across the table.
I realized i make the same noise when i get a blow job as when i eat pizza
If I have to go to the hospital can we stop by the liquor store on the way?
Yeah, half my ass was burnt and I was missing a shoe. I'm blaming you for the shoe.
Do you relize what downtown will be like this week? Like open season. But instead of deer its hot baseball players from all over the country that we'll never have to see again. I swear the college world series is a gift from god.
"Home for the holidays" isn't clearance to fuck the recently 18 year old high schooler right?
Nope, his last birthday was.
My bra is still on the porch...I'm leaving it as a reminder to get my shit together.
So what kind of fun pills do we have for the amusement park tomorrow?
Doing coke by yourself isn't as fun. Even when you're watching a James Franco movie.
The Easter sex puns were too abundant
I'm so high that a guy on TV just sneezed and I said "bless you."
she wants homewrecking advice
are you gonna teach her your ways?
obvs. i'm like her yoda.
I need mimosas to revive my soul
Did we go to Florida? My missing thong and DL just arrived in the mail. Return address was Tampa.
Randomize
