My roommate just got home. Made an entire package of bacon. Ate it. And then went to bed.
i want to get drunk and sing the national anthem on your roof again please.
WHAT KIND OF DUMPSTER DOESNT HAVE PIZZA IN IT?
Who is he, asking me if im dtf without a question mark
...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
after she pushed someone down the stairs to get more vodka we lost her for a while and found her on the pole in the garage pouring water on herself
i refuse to be around anyone not wearing a sombrero...its cinco de mayo
110% paid for our cab with a lap dance
OH MY GOD I JUST WANT TO GO HOME AND FART ALL NIGHT.
It is becoming increasingly more likely that my entire halloween costume will be entirely composed of borrowed clothing from the two girls I'm hooking up
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'd rather not be labeled as that girl who came over, drank a bunch of their alcohol, woke up the 5 year old, broke shit and left
Woke up at 10 with bourbon being shoved down my throat and him yelling, "shot train! Don't be a bitch"
As pissed as she was, you would've thought I was trying to get back into his pants instead of his booze collection.
My "lord keep me from stabbing a bitch" prayer has gotten a lot of miles today
I called 911 when they kicked me out of the bar last night.
Nothing says "i love you" more than flowers and potatoes
Randomize