Last night I apparently send my boss a picutre of my boobs. On the bonus part I got a raise today. So I just want to thank your parents for naming you Jeff cuz if I was not so hammered last night I would have sent it to the right one.
Planet Earth isn't gonna get stoned and watch itself.
I looked at the bar tab this morning. The bartender added a $25 'customer asshole fee'. I have no grounds to dispute it.
You drunk dialed me talking about the stages of mitosis. There is no way you didn't ace your bio final
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I took both his daughters virginities. There's no way he won't give me a job
He seriously just asked the doctor if taking the medicine for chlamydia was going to cut into his drinking time. Never let it be said that he is not dedicated.
i just had to hear from a third party that he came inside of me
I woke up in her bed, she woke up in mine. Apparently there was a miscommunication after the 8th jager bomb.
No more. You can't have nice things, and vodka is a nice thing.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I do NOT want to date a man who has no interest in going to a kangaroo farm
I am drunk at 8am listening to Cyndi Lauper and dressed up in a penguin suit
I'm glad you had fun with your genitals.
I just walked in on my dad beating it.. There's not a fucking therapist in ARKANSAS that can help me with that!
I hate csi yet I find myself watching a full marathon. I am also eating hotdog buns stuffed with barbecue chips and they are quite tasty
Bud light made chelada as a breakfast for those of us with class at 8 am
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