so i am drinking whiskey and watching home alone 2 by myself. it turns out moving to a foreign country isn't all that different after all.
then she said "on the count of three I think we should apologize to eachother"
So, when he came he screamed MORTAL KOMBAT!!!! at the top of his lungs and all of his roomates yelled back FINISH HER!!!!.....yeah kinda akward
it felt like a thousand fairies were licking my balls.
how was ur day?
this is strictly sexting don't make small talk.
There is a slip-n-slide in the hallway and a girl just did it topless cuz I told her it was my birthday. Where are you?
I went around and congratulated every guy that had a beard for having one
Goddamn tequila
Poorly worded request for dick pic resulted in stoned beanie selfies and "lol". Miscommunication is the devil's cock block.
I made out with a dude last night who has an ex wife. Is this what post grad life is about?
Yah... You need to get here. Evan just peed off the karaoke stage.
You kept trying to make cocktails with my protein powder last night...
Send me a picture of our booze closet. I'm homesick.
i'm gonna crowd surf you onto his dick
Are you rolling a joint while doing homework?
No, I am rolling a joint with my homework.
My sister gave me satin sheets. We can fuck on satin sheets.
Randomize
