i just ordered a pitcher of margaritas for me and a friend but she called and canceled. oh well, looks like im getting trashed alone.
the waiter who hardly speaks english told me "i go get your medicine now"
this medicine is soooo good.
how do we leave politely?
Tell them I'm going into labor. I will spill a beer and tell them m water broke.
Why did that cocktail waitress get to sleep with Tiger for 2 years, and all I ever got for living in Whorelando for five years is a couple of pictures with Joey Fatone
i wish every aspect of life was like a bar. flirt with the cute guy two feet across from you and get whatever you want for free
People said that when they tried to talk to me I answered that there was a glass around my head stopping me from answering them
My Grandma made me promise not to drink more beer, so I'm chugging wine.
Im going to be coked out with hello kitty fire arms. Valentines day can suck my dick
Was your wine and cheese snap taken from the toilet?
Apparently I'm a "fire hazard"
Did I send you a drunk selfie with a pine tree last night?
I just want somebody to fondle my boobs while I read fanfiction. Is that too much to ask?
A relationship is waiting for him to fall asleep so you can cum (finally!) while watching porn
You said if the geese can walk on the lake so can I.
I'm a shining star this evening. Dancing with a cane in rite aid now. I should be kept under survaillance.
Do NOT. I repeat. DO NOT call me little one after we have fucked. In no world is that ok. Even jesus agrees.
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